DEAR FRIEND, YOU ARE NOT A CAMEL

Every few minutes, in the most carelessly chosen moments, you look left or right and hurl sputum out of your mouth. You think you have a right to spit "just because".

My brother or sister, you are the pain in my arse this morning. I don't hate you, but I wish I could hurt that mouth of yours. I wish I could use a well-laid slap to effect a manual reset of your basic programming.

Please don't argue with me about this not being so horrible an act. If you're like me on the good side of the divide, I hail you. But Aboki, tell your friends to chill on the Camelling.

I do not want to see what's in your mouth. It is gross and makes my stomach turn each time. For those who fling it skilfully from balconies, I tremble at the height of your stupidity. Even the devil disagrees with your behaviour. If you're beside me, that sound alone is scary. You're awakening me so that I can be helplessly aware of your filthiness as you set about it. There's even a moral side to this that I don't have time to speak about today.

You're a pain in the arse and a health hazard, but I forgive your past deeds. I will not stab your self-righteous arse with a thumb-tack in return for what you've done so far but I sure hope that someone does if you read this thread and continue in your sinful ways. Don't spend your days spreading bacteria and creating an atmosphere of unease and discomfort for everybody else.

For information, this is why I hate Justin Bieber. And for those who care, I would readily vote for a government that would make this shit illegal. Spitting in public is disgusting and antisocial. Civilised countries prosecute people for this.

Yours faithfully,